We May Have A Rock

Tuesday we had a Board Meeting. I wrote three reports for it and analyzed all the financial data for the year, except for the Utility Bills, which I didn't quite finish. Mycroft went through every "Zombie To-Do List" that has been sent to us (or not) over the past two years and compiled a Master List of Items That Have Never Been Attended To. This was probably 500 repetitive pages, but he got it down to three.

Then we had Yet another meeting of the Condo Board Thursday. It was for Yet another round of Manager interviews. The first three were our top contenders on the list, and oh, were we disappointed! This time, we were all a little depressed, going for the "second choices."

On the first Round:
1. "Strict Machine" Diva who would have been great, except we can't afford her and she doesn't want to come here.
2. Young, bright, enthusiastic young man who would be eaten alive in two weeks. Nothing wrong with him. Everything wrong with us. He deserves to live.
3. Experienced, dynamic man who is not over the shock of losing his last job and talks more than the rest of the Board combined (how is this possible?)

Last night:

1. Cannonball who was all enthusiasm but never answered a damn question, although he talked a lot. He brought extra items for us to read, even, but none of them were anything we asked for. This would have been okay if he had actually brought what we DID ask for.
He needs some time with the Strict Machine above. (Zam, boom!) Not our guy. He was also young and would have been eaten alive, but less trainable than the other guy.

2. The Rock of Gibraltar. Very calm, answered our questions almost before we asked them. Stayed on point, said exactly what he meant, and stayed on schedule. Worked his way up in this field from a maintenance man, and then into a head position at a 14-story mixed-use condominium high-rise.

I kept imagining the surf of B.S. we have around here knocking him on the chest, only to be beaten back again while he still stood. This is a man with tight control. No hysteria from Zombie Assistant or any Board Member is going to keep him from using a method and imposing order.

3. Mr. Suavity:  Well, he was our favorite going in. And upon impact, he's suave, charming--and arrogant. He was so sure he knew it all. Actually, I'm pretty sure he did. But he's a careless talker. "I'm not going to do it by myself," he said, which is true--it was just the way he said it. (Halfway through the interview, I was just writing quotes that made me mad.) He talked about "disguising his weaknesses" "stealing knowledge" and about preparing the Board for a meeting, he said, "I can read you my report. Or you can read it in advance." This is also true. And then, when asked about how he handles different personalities, he said: "I may not like you. You may not like me. You move, you change; new Board Members come in; they're happy." What???!!! He wants to get rid of us already?

On a scale of 1 to 5, I gave him a big fat Zero. Two people gave him "5", and the remaining two gave him "2" Everyone wanted to know why I would do the Zero. I blurted out, "He's a drunk."
And I think he was drunk--a charming, belligerent, cynical, witty drunk. However, you can give me a diplomatic FAIL on that one.  The entire room got Really Silent.

As for The Rock, he received all "5"s and one "6" on a scale of 1 to 5. We are now plotting how to get him in. Everybody, cross your fingers! I am fairly ready to end my sixty-hour work-week without pay. It looks like it might be less than two months away.

Zombie Soap Operas and Cat Tantrums

Well, these poor cats. They have all the food they want, and plenty of loving attention, a nice clean litter box, and more toys than I can find--
but they want more.

The idea that I would do laundry, fight zombies, disappear for Board Meetings for hours and hours! BoyCat laid himself on the rug in front of the front door, stretched across the entire doorway. He was just like a human chain stopping the Bulldozing of the Old-Growth Forest or the Family Farm.  He has also taking to mewing at the door--poor abandoned baby. I don't know how he stands life as he knows it.

Pets of a Different Sort
I had a near-suicide note from on person who owes us $1033.00 this week. I am stressing her out!! She can not pay her bill. She addressed the letter to Madame Ann H.

Please do not make me pay my bill.  I pay all bills on time. I never have late notices. I obey all rules at the ZombieLand Condominiums. I can not live with this stress. You must understand.

Well, unfortunately for her I do understand. I was mostly afraid she would come Emote over the entire Board last night, driving our meeting into the wee hours. Thankfully, she did not show up. The Board, in true gratitude for her non-attendance, forgave part of her charges. Next!!!

I had ten disputacious accounts to go over last night. I wrote them all up carefully, in consultation with Zombie Assistant. However, this morning I found out we have a burgeoning lawsuit which she forgot to tell me about in time for the meeting. She is very sorry. (Grrrr.)

I handled that today . . . .

I know you Midwestern sufferers of winter will find this amusingly minor, but we had three inches of snow this evening.  Slippery, rainy slush--dirty on impact. Oh, the suffering! I address this letter to the Estimable Groundhog:

Please do not see your shadow on Groundhog Day. I try to conserve energy. I wear many sweaters. I obey all rules at the Zombieland Condominium. I cannot live with this stress. You must understand.

Sorry gang, this is what I have today. I am working up a couple thematic series, but they aren't ready yet. In the meantime, I'm afraid not to let you know what's up, so . . . you get these Soap Operas and Tantrums. Hopefully they will make you laugh. They make me laugh.

Small Crime, Big Damage Control: part one of 1 or 2 or who knows

Okay, I've kept mum--believe it or not--on the big issues our condo has been facing lately. After we found that Evil Zombie Building Maintenance Tech (EZBMT) had stolen from a unit, (BAM BOOM) life changed for us all. I'm talking practical details. But also, emotions are engaged. There is work. There is also the rehabilitation of everybody who is left. And there is the spirit or zeitgeist of business operations, which is conducted on so many levels. It is not black and white, and oh I wish it was.

But it can't be. It's a business. It's also the home of many people, including my own. It's trust and security and money and oh-so-minor in life's big issues. Cleaning up after one Jerk: it happens all the time.

EZ's just another of the many shady asshats out there. Not a big in the scheme of things. Not smart; just clever. Not successful; except lately. But he has 24 hours every day to study how to stay away from us. Our 24 hours per day is trying to get back on even keel. And that's just wrong.

But though I insult his intelligence, his style, and his habits, he did pull one over on us. So maybe this account will also be wrong. It's just what I see.

That Missing Two Ounces of Prevention.
1. Yes, hindsight: he's done other things. He's got court-ordered child support in other states and no driver's license. I think it's a sign of one or two flaws that may have kept us from hiring this dude--except we didn't do a background check, so I can't say for sure. The idea of background checks is horrid to me--until now. And we all accepted this payroll garnishment and lack of full I.D.  by not focusing on it. And some heavy glossing from somebody else, who took it cheerily in stride: Zombie Assistant.

2. Our stupid policy manual didn't have a good enough anti-nepotism policy. And his sister-in-law is Zombie Assistant. More on that later.

Two Tons of Cure.
I rammed it through. The Board wasn't even thinking about it. They were still in shock (or, Captain Nemo was panicking)--and right after that, depression. The old Board wasn't completely averse--they just weren't thinking of it. The new ones weren't averse, they just didn't have the details.

I called firms; got bids; informed our financial professionals; prepared a presentation. We had a Special Session. And the Board said "Yes, we have to do it."

So we had a private investigator come in. After that, the tension level ratcheted up in the Board. We had to keep a secret. Employees were officially under suspicion. And so forth. It was hard.

And the employees did know they were under a shadow. They had a hard time with it. No reassurance anyone could make was untainted. We all knew that, secrets or not.

I sent the P.I. more prep documents than you can imagine, writing them all up myself. I looked at pictures of items from the on-line market--you could see parts of our maintenance room in some of the backgrounds. Others were of unknown upholstery, possibly EZBMT's house. I investigated a pile of invoices, looking for prices and buying trends. Some things I had to look up on the Internet to get a price--expensive items for building repair that are custom-made for old buildings, or out of date on price lists but still useful to us, that still belonged to us (allegedly). Investigation of other items, all priced and listed on an Excel sheet--not my favorite computer program, but damn it works well for some things.

Some of the Board yelled at me for going overly. I just kept going. I didn't even have time to tell them they were full of shit. It was delegated to me, and I did everything I could think of except rent a car and a pair of handcuffs. I knew we might not get anything out of the employees. I wanted the P.I. to have every smoking gun I could get him.

I checked Vendor Ledgers to see if we had accounts with dummy companies (possibly run by employees). I checked for shipping contracts, trying to figure out how this stuff got sent out, if its origin of shipment was from our building.  I studied forensic accounting on the Internet so that I could figure out how to get more information out of what I was looking at already.

I say alleged because I have everything except proof. And that's the critical part.

In the two weeks' worth of items I could try to track, EZ sold $1300.00 worth of stuff for less than $500.00. It's not like he was making a killing out there. In fact, if he was buying it himself to re-sell, he lost a lot of money.

Zombie Assistant
In the meantime, all of staff was reeling. Angry as we were, tense as it was, we had to project confidence.
I had to write a new conflict-of-interest policy, so that Zombie Assistant didn't open up mail about her brother-in-law. I made her sign it. (She broke it twice. That I know of.)

In the meantime, she was "Embattled Dowager", "Plucky Maiden", "Crying Victim", "Servant of Us All" and "Evil Bitch When Nobody's Looking" by turns. (The last one is customary, but heavily accented under pressure.) You should know that her work ethic, already abysmal, took a nose dive. Sure, I understand--her family and her job were in peril. I do understand. It has to be hard.

The conflict of interest policy review happened on Thursday. By Friday she was laughing as she took off early from work. Do I sound bitter? Well. I took it as a sign of what I could expect. Maybe I am right, or maybe it's a self-fulfilling bad attitude on my part.

Zombie Boss
Shortly thereafter, we fired Zombie Boss. Unrelated: but he couldn't figure out what to do. I had to call all our maintenance suppliers, because otherwise EZBMT could have allegedly continued to order everything in sight and allegedly sell it on-line. The look of mystification on ZB's face when I did this was just awful.

While I was down there handling that, EZBMT's lawyer called and asked if he could have his job back. Unbelievable. But they called the weak link. I just happened to be there.

Firing ZB has added work. Or maybe not; he couldn't cope. But there is a lot of work.

Other Zombie Maintenance Tech (OZBMT):
The pleasant surprise in this is how OZBMT has managed to shake off the Zombie virus. He understood everything right away.
     No going into units for repairs alone anymore? Thank you for covering my ass.
     Nobody else to take call? That's okay, I'll take it: we'll work it out later.
     No snow removal contract, because Zombie Boss forgot about it? Order some ice-melt; I know what to do.

It was like the sun coming out. He could show what he was made of, at last: now that EZ and Zombie Assistant weren't running their dog-and-pony show about who was the competent building tech. It conveyed that we had also missed some of the good.

Yet he seemingly had to know something about the allegedly missing items. So there's still all this fog in front of the sun. There's still this feeling that maybe he's Compensating for past transgressions. The better he got, the more I worried; I think we all did.

OZ was worried for EZ, he felt for him. EZ betrayed a lot of people. But in other ways--and OZ doesn't even know it himself--he was instantly happier, his shoulders instantly straighter. When bad things are allowed to continue, people suffer. Even if they don't know it. And that is just another reason why we have to fight the crimes, petty meanness, small evils. Even in the intangible ways, this all causes suffering.

Two or three weeks later, we informed the staff that we would have investigative interviews. We told them Friday for Monday. . . . . . .

Competency

I like to let you know I am making progress with the outside world. Every time I write how I am failing, you guys write me back and say to keep trying. So, maybe we have some results from all this trying--yes?

Due Thursday:
Two reports on two months of financials (one incomplete, because the financial statements have not yet arrived.)

One incomplete because all the invoices I need to examine are lost. This seems significant to me--not in a good way. How can we lose SIX invoices? The very ones I want to see? It's Zombie filing--in short, a shambling plot.

One report on A Year of Investments. Four pages of Excel Tables. Done.

Two unpaid insurance policies found and paid up. Every insurance policy examined to make sure they are ALL paid up. And, now back in Department of Labor compliance--oops! That was a near thing.

Insurance expires next month--oops! Two sets of contracts coming by Thursday.

One report on major repairs and the financing for that. This sounds rather more grand than it is, because all of the information is done by expert consultants. I only compiled it.

One report on Collections, still in work. Each account takes twelve to sixty hours to fix. Each person is angry.
Each ledger is screwed up. I have a list of twenty-three, and have completed eight of the Top Ten Debtors, plus various other people whose voices were the loudest.

Reconciled two bank accounts, updated ledgers for five accounts in legal collections, prepared hearing documents for three complainants to the Board, four petty cash reconciliations, one holiday fund/two disbursements,  and one major systemic payroll snafu.

Interpersonal Relations
Four personnel conferences, one scheduling training session.

Somebody promises to pay $3K this Friday and asks me to check out his leaky shower with him. I have no ability to assess showers, so I write him back to bring the money and a plumber.

From Zombie Pandemic dot com.

Another debtor writes me that she will die of stress if I don't forgive her over $1K of outstanding debt. I don't think she's going to blow her brains out, because she is manipulative and constantly in debt. Still, you can never be sure. I gave her an avenue to pursue.  The next day she thanks me. I am not sure this is good news yet.


Not done yet. The meeting is Tuesday, and the League will have tons of Ann T. and other papers to read before then.

The Zombies are sitting around and eating candy. I would cut up stiff about it, but I don't want them to screw up my work. I told Mycroft this, and he said, "Don't let them do a thing."

I still have my Zombie Thwack Gun, but they won't let me use it.

We are still looking for a manager . . . .

Starts with Tears, Ends with Zucchini

Well, my day started yesterday with two personnel crises, and I worked on personnel items.

Back to the shrink. It's been a month due to holidays. And just in time, too.

I then swung into three interviews for Manager of the Condo. No Zombies this time!

The first person was our Choice # 2. She was great, but I don't think she's working for what we're paying. It was obvious though: she could whip this place in shape, including the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen with one hand tied behind her back.

I kept thinking of Goldfrapp's song: I'm in Love with your Strict Machine. Not that she showed up in this get-up for the interview, LOL!

Goldfrapp - Strict Machine
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The next man was our # 4 (#3 couldn't make it) and would have been great, except staff would have eaten him alive. We still have Zombies left, you know. I liked him but it would be cruel to hire him. He's not ready for the stuff we have.

The third man was our favorite before interviews. # 1!! And he was not quite there. He rambled too much, and I think he came out of a bad job situation that still has him shaken. We don't need him shaken: we need him stirred. He just couldn't stay on point--although it was obvious he knew plenty.

But I'm really glad that we're getting the kind of candidates we're getting.

After that, we had a personnel meeting. After that, we had an argument. After that, we made up. After that, it was 11:00 p.m. and I came upstairs and had dinner. I did not have lunch. I'm not sure I had breakfast.

However, all seems to be hanging in for the moment. We may be better off. All of these candidates, even the poor gentleman that wasn't quite ready--was head and shoulders above Zombie Boss. So things are looking up.

So I Have Work

Meetings all day yesterday. The power blew--some stupid contractor. The elevator broke. Then after-hours, a meeting to discuss who we might hire as a manager at the condo.
Meeting to discuss the latest blow-up at the Front Desk. This is unpleasant but not usual--it's just a symptom of having no leadership for so long, and because that is changing. Still I have three write-ups to do and then deliver, which will be a full day.

Meeting to discuss other personnel issues. Three more write-ups. Then a list of questions to answer for other people. the financial statements came in and I will write the report on that instead of the general manager.

So I'm sorry. No post today! I am not complaining about the work--for once it will get us somewhere. But I miss letting you guys in on the fun. Plus I have ideas for four good posts. Later, mon amis!

I can't believe I do this stuff for free. Just crazy.

The Set-up: 126 Words

Zombie Boss resigns. I clean his desk, the papers as scattered as his mind. He avoided conflict; he shoved those things aside. I find bills that should have been paid, shingled with post-it notes. On them, Zombie Assistant paints a problem. I find bills that belong to others, or for things we don't pay. These have no warnings.

An employee has already said Zombie Assistant hid bills from him. Then she'd call our President, worried over bills unpaid. I find a stash she moved into his office, after.

She used his failings. She shortened his tenure, and I think his life.

Maybe this seems imaginary. But I see a difference in organization and placement.

The stink of ill-will covers the desk. I won't let this go.

Ann T. Power Broker

If you read the title fast, it sounds like "anti-power" broker. Take your pick.

I wrote that we had an employee theft situation here. In the immediate aftermath, the Board (herinafter, the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) closed our network to this employee in the name of records security. We also found that he had been selling things on-line that looked remarkably like items we stock here for repairs.

Bad enough that a unit was robbed. Now we had to consider other possible grievances.

Image via Wikipedia

Nemo, Watching for Tentacles.

Captain Nemo Freaks Out
We then got a legal opinion, and learned that work-site e-mail of all stripes was the property of the employer. So we looked at other employee e-mail boxes to see how widespread this marketing situation might be. And one of the League of Extraordinary Gentleman started obsessing.

Nemo recently lost his job. It was a mystery to him, but not to the rest of the League. He never does any work. He waits until other people present hours of work and comes up with an objection. I am sure he feels like this is the right thing to do, but he's a putz.

This situation excited and terrified him by turns. He browsed employee personal mail, poached the contact position from another Board member with the network administrator, et cetera. It was quite the warning on despotism. And only his peers could stop it, which is quite the lesson in democracy, too.

But we weren't very effing fast at it. And really, he had all that free time. It was hard to keep up.

We warned him. But he started giving orders, each one more erratic than the next. For instance, I received these panicky e-mails ("cut the cord on the shredders! watch all the doors to make sure no evidence leaves!") I finally let him have it. Usually I am diplomatic. Not this time. I was stomping the putz.

At the next meeting, Nemo was just as panicky and querulous as before, but more erratic and rude.
So that's just the end. I know it's not real war, but I went to war.

Image via Wikipedia

Mina Murray, we need you!

Ann T. Panic Mode
If you read that fast, it sounds like anti-panic mode. Maybe.

That "last straw" meeting was the pre-meeting before our Annual Meeting and Elections. We were headed to the mob, or at least that's what we were afraid of. Every Owner wanted to know about the theft situation. They were up in arms about the betrayal of trust. Of course, we are negligent and dumb-assed, a poor sorry excuse for leadership. But nobody was running to replace us.

We had two vacant seats. As a favor, Nemo was planning to run again by acclamation after all. He kept asking, "Now how do I do this?" None of us told him. He did figure it out though.

Weeks before, I'd nagged Allan Quartermain to run by acclamation at the Annual Meeting. And he planned to run; he just didn't want to campaign. Quartermain is just who we need--calm, humorous, and a management consultant by day.

I'd thought about a second person, Mina Murray, who is socially adept, level-headed, and an office manager. I didn't ask her though. I didn't think she wanted to do it, and two days wasn't enough notice.

But I saw Mina at the Annual Meeting, right after Nemo drove me to the brink. I think I grabbed her. I'm pretty sure I didn't shake her. I didn't get on my knees either, but nearly. Her eyes were as wide as saucers and she was nodding as if to a crazy woman while I whispered how important it was. But at least she agreed to run.

That was two minutes' notice instead of two days' notice. I'm not pleased with myself over that.

But I quickly wrote a nominating speech for Mina while Board President Mycroft Holmes ran the meeting. I also gave my Treasurer's report. We had an impromptu/tacky awards ceremony for our committee volunteers over the past year--my idea, just so we'd maybe get a few more after some recognition.

Later, I attempted to nominate Quartermain, who said he would nominate himself. Then I nominated Mina from the floor. She gave her own campaign speech--which I thought was a great sign. The vote was tallied.

President Mycroft Holmes
Afterwards Mycroft Holmes stopped me outside.
"Just how did you arrange this coup d'etat?"

"Didn't you see me?" I said. "I begged, that's how."

"No, I didn't see that. Somebody said you had, though.  But how did you get them elected?"
I debated whether to add. Because the begging was the answer.
"I talked to everyone in that meeting hall," I told him. "I fetched coffee and cookies for anyone who didn't have any. I asked them how they were."
He waited.

"When I gave my presentation, I didn't stand behind the podium," I said next. "I always come out from behind and then I am one of the people."
He rolled his eyes.

"And in my Treasurer's report, I thanked every other member of the League for something specific that they did, except I didn't mention Nemo at all."
"Huh." Mycroft shook his head.

"And then I made it clear who I thought should be nominated," I said. "And then I just hoped it would work."

"Well, thank you," he said. "I still don't know how you did it, but thank you for doing it."
"You should thank Mina," I told him. "She's the one who agreed to this with no notice."

To stop tyranny, at least in these tiny circles I run in, we needed a volunteer.

In four days time, we grew a small-minded madman, a witch-hunter on our Board. He was injudicious, indiscreet. He cloaked it all in principles ("the safety of the residents"), but he was dangerous. He was going to sink our whole damn ship in some crazed quest for secret but irrelevant information. And we have enough leaks in our ship already.

Mycroft Holmes is now calling me a behind-the-scenes power broker. What I think I did was break a power, not broker one.

Thank you, Allan Quartermain and Thank You, Mina Murray! 
We need you against the Zombies.
And Happy New Year to the Arkdale residents. 
You now have a fighting chance at one.

Oh, Zombie Virus!

It gets us all!

Each in our own way. But in general, we are shambling around, trying to find our way out of the mess Zombie Boss left behind.

We have two new Board Members--which means we have two former Board Members too.  At last sighting, one of the former Bored was at the Meeting last night, strangely quiet, lounging in an unusual position on the sofa in the Meeting Room. Maybe recovering from, or delaying the rest of, a real bender? He's been getting more erratic all the time. The other one was wearing Spandex on the elevator.

We had five people who had complaints or issues. Usually no one shows up for Board Meetings. I have no idea why anyone would ever skip one! But for the new Board, it was like baptism by fire.

Me, I have turned into a weapon on the side of organization but can barely talk. I have this internal thought process going for cleaning out Zombie Boss's former office and finding all the Pending. But if you asked me to explain it, I couldn't. It is all part of the Deep Focus. My subconscious is doing it, and it's driving everyone crazy. Too bad it didn't work on the Zombies.

There is a lot of Pending. There was also a lot of photocopies of the same thing, over and over. I shredded those (not the Pending but the Duplicates).  But enough about me and papers. There are still too many left. I even had an e-mail from a desperate lawyer. I've never had a letter from a desperate lawyer before. I have almost gotten him out of Zombie Stasis. Couple more steps.

One of the new Board Members said being at last night's Board Meeting was like watching reality TV. Ha ha ha!  We almost had a fistfight between a resident and the Board President over (kid you not) laundry lint. I love our Board President. He was getting far more blowback than laundry lint ought to cause.  And I could at least speak up about that.

The meeting adjourned at 10:00 p.m. One of the new Board Members announced at 9:50 that he had ten more minutes for the Meeting. He did the right thing. We would have shambled around all night. I would not have been able to cut it off--but I did tell him, in advance, that somebody was going to have to do it. And I knew he would.

Unbelievably not done yet

We had a Condo Board meeting last night and there's more stuff on my plate than there is plate . . . it's going to work out.  But I can't think to post. It's not nerves at least.

Have a good day, everybody.

Shazzam!! Zombie Wrestling

H W F

Welcome to the HWF!! Horror Wrestling Federation!! Beamed every weekday live from the Ark House Condominium Arena, right here in HotWinds, USA!! And you're sure to see talent like never before!!!

We've got quite a match for you folks out there.

In this corner, we have: Zombie Assistant!! She's a famous villain--known to implement the Positivity SuckerSmack, the Credit-Stealing HammerLock--
Able to depress pretensions with one well-timed comment about a co-worker's body, hair, or clothes--a BodySlam, in other words--
And inventor of the unbelievably effective Snit--Lock!!

And in the other corner, we have: Georgina the Strong. Too bad she doesn't know it yet.
But she's been through hell on earth many times, and doesn't remember this is nothing compared to that.
She grew up in the Chicago projects, had an abusive husband and a drug habit, which she kicked both. She went on to become a home health aide, a strong mother, and dispenser of joy, cookies, and hugs to others--and Zombie Assistant's sometimes assistant.

The betting odds are low. Georgina's going to be a long shot to win. It's that Snit Lock, that Body Slam, that Hammerlock that get her every time. She just isn't ranked very high in the Horror Federation--

Enjoy the show, right here at the Ark House Auditorium!  And your referee tonight, at the Ark House Arena,  is Ann T. Hathaway.  Go place your bets. Remember, the odds are long against Georgina. And odds are what we call "prevailing wisdom."

For more Zombies that Wrestle, go here to the WWE Night of the Living Dead!  These people may be pikers compared to Zombie Assistant. Still, you get the idea!.

In case this isn't quite coherent--Zombie Assistant is putting her mood on everyone else. And I am going to stomp it quick.

The Axe

In this post, I am the lucky one. Even maybe the villain.

We fired someone. I am not the only one who thought it necessary, but I have thought it necessary for the longest time. I am the one who made the machinery work toward that end.

This year, Zombie Boss was more and more absent, less and less responsive to owners and contractors and staff and the Board.  ZB would call meetings and fail to show up for them, make deals or promises and not finish them out, pass the blame or the buck or the duty. He relinquished oversight, and staff ran amok with it.

We had a lawsuit that cost us over $100K when one of the owners couldn't get an answer about a grievance.  The Board handled it. We nearly didn't pay utility bills in spring and we have a cash crunch right before Christmas, which means that payroll and utilities are going to be a bit of a stretch. In winter, no heat? No paychecks? No, it's not quite that bad. We can make it. But I don't think we should wait until we can't.

In early November, we sought a legal opinion how to get out of the contract. Because the Board That Was stupidly did not get their manager contract drawn up by a legal representative, and we were stuck. Somebody cobbled it together from parts of an old contract, a raft of high-minded aspirations, and by the seat of their pants. Note: Do not do this, ever. It did not save us any money on legal fees.

The legal opinion was that we had to write an official memorandum detailing the reasons we could "terminate with cause". I wrote it; it took me a solid week. I tied our grievances to specific documents and went through them point by point. It was ten pages long, and could have easily been twenty. The back-up material was twenty pages long and could have been a hundred without much additional effort. The lawyer looked it over and said it was great. So we could do it.

Special Session of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
No sooner had the Board voted on it and learned the legal (and most protective to Owner privacy) procedure to accomplishing it, we lost another employee because of criminal acts.  I mean literally--fifteen minutes after our meeting adjourned. The entire Condo was rocked, and the Board put off the action until we could figure out what to do with new actions in front of us. We got a legal opinion on that too--I said you can't wait until it's convenient for us (e.g., I'll fire her after my vacation), you have to do it at the point of grievance.

I was ready to go. But legal said no, we were in our rights to wait.

A Final Chance
But Zombie Boss hasn't handled this crisis either. Ann T. has been doing it. Writing the incident reports, collecting them. Checking the bad guy's personnel file, cutting off his access to ordering materials and billing us, setting up procedures, damage control. I don't mean I've been alone--the rest of the Board has also been doing stuff--writing the announcements, checking the building systems, interfacing on anything I don't know. But they have day jobs. It's been scary and hard. And even in this Zombie Boss hasn't pulled things together.

So, as one Board member said, who was unhappy, we let him go "right before Christmas". We've been telling him in increasing conversations that his performance is not good and that repercussions were imminent. I gave him a list of expectations this spring; I wrote him up this summer. He's been having correction conversations multiple times a week for years now. And the entire chain of command is twisted and broken. Everyone on the Board has been working hours and hours for months and months, in areas depending on their expertise. For free. Taking off work to visit lawyers or meet with contractors. Stuff like that. And that twists chain of command too.

He had a final chance to get it right, the reprieve of over a month. He didn't meet the challenge. In the last month, working with him multiple times a week, I could see that everything he did was a liability to us all.

He's gone. We were nice about it. He was. We all shook hands. He drove away.
Still not a good outcome. The axe is always a loss to all parties. And the timing just sucks.

Zombie Boss has a million things to figure out now. We do too. This stuff goes on long after the axe has swung. I wish him luck. I'd do it all again if I had to. We were in big trouble. We still are.

Fire Safety: The High-Rise Priority

So, after reading about the ship, yesterday:

When you work in a skyscraper, or stay in a hotel, or live in an apartment building, do you ever think what systems are supporting your safety in the event of a fire?

Big Buildings, Big Projects

As a Condo Board Member, I am supposed to think about it. We have to replace our fire safety system in a couple of years, for which funds must be available. We also have regular tests and checks of that system, for which the Condominium Association contracts experts. Various consultants check our boilers; our heating systems; our fire safety system; our emergency generator. 

This past summer, we bid out and endured a fire-stopping project in the garage. We were grandfathered by the Code, but does that count? The City Inspector thought not. The Board found (as immediately as a Board can--three days) that it didn't wish to argue with that. It was not in our Association's best interest to defer a safety measure or invoke our venerable status. The project took two months and tens of thousands of dollars. Many residents with cars were inconvenienced. When it was done, we gained a safer place to live.

Big Projects, Bad Follow-Through

A few years ago, we added a fire extinguishers to the roof deck when we added the three new (electric) grills. That next week, we had flames shooting six feet up, too close to the elevator tower. The old fire extinguisher didn't work. Fortunately, two guests happened to work in fire service. Lucky for everyone but them.

Oh, there was hell to pay on that one for the Zombies in the Management Office. No replacement grease pans. One new extinguisher; Two old fire extinguishers unchecked.  FAIL.

That next week, Condo Board members electronically passed 303 grease-mails through the medium of the Internet. Eventually we bought a grease-only, fire-safe (to all, including California standards) trash can. We also ordered three hundred grease pans so that they would be immediately, easily replaced. And got the fire extinguishers inspected. I figure about 263 of those grease-mails were not required, but we all wanted to kick ass, and that was how we did it.  That condo manager left the next month or so, and we got the new Zombie Boss we have now.

Regular Maintenance

Twice a year, our Building Engineers replace a/c filters, check for dripping faucets, how much carpet is down on the floor (noise control) and--for working smoke alarms. We do not allow battery-operated ones to suffice in our building. Each unit must be hooked up to constant electricity. If they don't work, then the next week they are changed out and the Owner charged for the maintenance.

Every floor has a set of fire extinguishers. We pay a firm to check them and replace them on time.

Sometimes other stuff relates to fire safety: a banister falling off the wall in the stairwell. That's not just a stairwell, it's the emergency exit. More, the phone and cable boxes are also in these stairwells. They need to stay locked, so that the box lid doesn't raise up and impede progress in the event of an incident. The Board also had them put safety strips back on the steps in both stairwells, after a two-year absence. 

So, how do you find the way out of your office? Do you know what the fire alarm sounds like? How about at your hotel? Where's the nearest stairs? 

Scary and Careless

Somebody threw a gas can down our trash chute. The fire department inspectors came for that, to determine if it was attempted arson. We had to pay for trash chute cleaning after that stupid move, over a thousand bucks of Association money.

Somebody sprayed fire extinguisher in a stairwell for a prank. That screwed up a fire extinguisher and an emergency exit. It also cost money.

The point of this article is that all building systems are still dependent on human compliance. 

We have to get them in place correctly. We have to update them and inspect them. We have to pay for experts and take their advice. Last of all, even the best systems can be taken down by one full grease pan, one prankster, or one idiot's gas can in the wrong place.

So individual safety is based on good systems and a good emergency response.

What is your personal emergency preparation?

Emergency Safety Committee-An Active Minority

Currently, we have a volunteer Emergency Safety Committee trying to figure out some safe evacuation plans for our building. There's a lot of frail people, and one guy in a wheelchair. The guy in the wheelchair has a lot more together on this than the frail people do.

Some of the committee members, like its chairman, have a lot of experience in emergencies. Other have volunteered to run a floor, or get a frail person out.

But it's a work in progress. For instance, no one wants to practice a fire drill. They want to kick back when they're home, and watch television, cook dinner, stay in their shower. We elected officials are weenies on this point. The consent of the governed and all that.

For each of us at home: we need to think about our safety. Because a Condominium Association has multiple owners, we contract some of this out or enforce it with Staff. And yet in the end it still comes down to this: we have to think about how we get out of our own door safely. We each have to have a plan.

The U.S. Fire Administration, a part of the Department of Homeland Security, has a portal page with everything you need to know about Escape Plans, Fire Extinguishers, Smoke Alarms, Rooms of the House, and Flaming Stuff such as Cigarette, Candle, and Cooking Safety.  It also has special instructions for High-Rises, Mobile Homes, Rural Areas, and so forth. It's a good place to start.

Zombie Domination

I'm taking a short break from crime and cities, life repair, and other more important matters here. Now that I've had a nap and a dinner, it seems funny. However, I am afraid I retreated screaming today from the Zombie-held basement.

Photo from sweetskulls.blogspot.com

The Summit of Multi-Million-Dollar Brain Trust
1. I may have told you (repeatedly) that we have been working on hot water systems in our condominium. Today, in order to finish "balancing the water supply" we had a summit meeting of the consultant engineer, the boiler inspector we pay, the foreman of the project, and Zombies. The balancing means that water in the front of the building will approximate the same temperature as the back of the building, thereby ensuring that half our residents get hot showers again and the other half don't boil in their bathrooms. I mean, it's not nearly that bad, but still, calibration is essential.

a. The meeting was for either 9:30 or 10:30. Different ambassadors were told different times.
b. Zombie Assistant didn't know about it. Except I told her, but that's not official since Zombie Boss didn't inform her. If I tell her, it doesn't count and she forgets. I told her yesterday AND last week.

c. The Zombie Maintenance #2 is on unauthorized vacation. That is, Zombie Boss gave him off, but he doesn't have any vacation left. Apparently this will be paid. As Treasurer, I know we are already significantly over on payroll this year.
d. Zombie Maintenance #1 had a doctor's appointment and didn't show up until 10 a.m. He showed up holding a bottle of PowerDrink and an open bowl of browned hamburger crumbles. Don't ask me why. At first I thought it was dog food.

I wonder what he did with it at the doctor's office. Best not to ask, though.

e. Contractors were roaming the building at 9:30 with nothing to do. I finally found one of them. He was in the trash room (which has a bathroom) preparing to use the facilities. In the meantime, mosquitoes were flying everywhere in the trash room, I don't know why. The contractor understandably wanted me gone, and I wanted to leave. So he enjoyed the amenities of the Trash Room rather than brave Zombie Assistant's non-buggy facilities.

g. I had to tell Zombie Assistant to make coffee. I went up to the Lobby to greet erstwhile contractors. Desk Staff knew nothing about the appointment or what to do about it. In the meantime, I directed Zombie Assistant to call another Board Member who works from home, and is interested in the hot water systems, in the odd hopes that someone competent might represent the Condominium. Fortunately, he was up for the challenge.

h. Zombie Maintenance # 1 started the meeting in an unknown spot, which meant the consulting engineer, who was told a 10:30 meeting time, was nowhere around when the meeting started. He couldn't find anyone. The look on his face was one of angry resignation, which I could not acknowledge publicly.

i. The coffee was terrible.

j. Zombie Boss showed up at 10:55.

Robbing Peter to Pay Peter, Or, Something Like That
2. Okay, now back to why I was down there. Treasurer stuff. We are going through accounts where the Owner owns more than one unit, looking for mixed-up billing and incomplete ledgers. Yesterday I ran into a doozy, first set out of the box. It took all day just to start it and today I looked for back-up material. As usual, nothing is consistent and is filed in five different places, has three different invoicing systems, and may or may not be packed away. Zombie Assistant is going to start another notebook, so she will be organized. As far as I am concerned, there are too many notebooks already.

Hollywood Car Stunts, Right Here, Right Now!
3. The contractor who is ventilating our garage came in to say that somebody didn't move their car as requested, and when they blew through the bricks, it would be damaged. Zombie Assistant shrugged, so I got up and checked the parking spot. When I came back to ask who owned space 16-B, she said, "we called her yesterday. She lives in 2309." Upon checking--No, she lives in 2307, so I'm not sure we called her or not. The Z.A. called again and left a message for her to leave work and come move her car, sure thing. Nobody attempted to check her apartment--to see if she was home?--so I went up and clanged on the door. Just Lazy.

Let the Screaming Begin
That was about all I could stand. I gathered my file folders and left the perimeter. In two days I have not finished three accounts by one owner. Holy Shit. But I may have all the pieces now. I am working on it now.

When I went downstairs that afternoon for additional materials, I learned we will need to pay additional megabucks to complete the hot water balancing project. The Board Member who officiated at the hot water project is exceedingly upset about the tardiness of Zombie Boss. I can assure you that though I was the vanguard on calling out this upsetting state of Zombie Affairs, I am not alone any more.

Condo Boarding

Surfing the Waves with the Zombies.

Zombie Boss is out Monday and most of Tuesday. So Zombie Assistant and I are going to get rid of a pile of work that between the three of us has fallen through the cracks. I can't wait until this all gets underway.

Now that my closet is clean (and I don't think I'll have to mention it as a Big Project ever again, and therefore never again), the biggest pile around in Condo Stuff.

Well, the Board said they wanted a Condo Library. So besides the work I do down in the basement over the next two days, I will be culling the old meetings, contracts, and other stuff to make a condo-board-only space for financial documents, hot-button issues, and the like.

This also takes time. However, it will clean off my dining table, so do you think I am complaining? We had our meeting last week, and when I came home all I could see was that the pile was one binder larger than before.

Tomorrow I get to measure it and order the shelves and small reading platform that will be in this tiny room. I will make keys for all the Board Members. Good-bye, freaking Charlie, to the audits, the reserve studies, and the financials.

Look! They're all headed in the Same Direction! That might be good or bad . . . but something will get resolved, for sure!

Tomorrow I have some new things for Crime and Economics. And I'm getting caught up on blogs, too! I have missed you all terribly.

A Social Dilemma

Let's just say you're a member of a Condo Board. The previous manager didn't do any work, he may even have stolen from  you (I'm still looking). His negligence cost the association many thousands of dollars in uncollected payments. His lying about his qualifications and then giving (bad) advice led your board to approve a half-assed plan that left 1/3 of the building without hot showers. You are now spending tens of thousands of dollars to fix this. You suspect, but cannot prove, kickbacks from the previous contractors.

He talked bad about each Board Member behind their backs, de-trained the staff, left without notice after writing himself a check for unused vacation (which is against our by-laws). It was not enough to be actionable.

Now he's back in town. And isn't he friendly? You see him all the time!!

What do you do?

So, the kick ass. That's my first choice.
I think verbal abuse is my second choice, but it's not natural to me. Much.
The cut direct--you know, where you refuse to acknowledge their presence--is my next choice.
So far he has been getting stiff greetings to his most friendly overtures. I am sure this is very funny, and I come off as very gauche.
However, am I supposed to pretend he's not a lying snake in the grass?

My etiquette is at war with my principles. Please advise.

photo from spreadshirt.com

Not Exactly the Cuban Missile Crisis or Anything

We interrupt previously-scheduled programming because Bed Bug Inspections will Occur on my floor today. It is not that I have to do anything for it. I'm just distracted.

Normally, our Condominium Association gives Free Extermination. This is of course a free ride for the messy people in the building. However, it also encourages reportage/complaints so that the entire building is not inundated. It's a good plan and it mostly works.

There is one older man with diminished capacity who is so used to his bugs now, he thinks everyone has them and that this is normal. Recently, his family was called and impressed with the health hazard he really was. They took a week to visit and re-did his living quarters for him. They also paid for extermination services above and beyond. It was terrible. At the same time, that was a real show of love, let me tell you., by them--and a teeth-gritting attention to duty by the cleaning help and exterminators.

The last time this happened, another older man--with no family. In that case, he also had Alzheimer's. A court-appointed ward took over for the same result. It was also awful, beyond words terrible.  But he started showing up with a smile and a clean purple or green shirt and pressed trousers. They did a good job for him. Decency.

For this crisis, the Condo Board agreed to pay a slightly higher cost for inspections in order to give individuals somewhat of a break. Most of those who have them are going to have to ditch a lot of furniture, pay to have it wrapped and taken away, and have other high unexpected costs. We are, however, not so large-hearted as to pay for their in-unit treatment. And we will enforce it. We will even pay it and send those poor residents to collections. You can't even avoid the inspection--if we can't get in, we're drilling locks, replacing them, and billing for that. We've got the Hatchet, you know. I've got the ledgers. But my main worry is tomorrow.

I am restraining two cats from depredations on Bug-Sniffing Beagles who are invading their territory. I understand the invasion of the Beagles will be short. However, it is the longer-term invasion that concerns me.

I don't have bed bugs! But I also don't have a Beagle Nose.

Tonight, I may well write on economic indicators of failing neighborhoods. However, if the Beagle smells Bugs, I can assure you I will be tottering down to a local dive to drink a lot of Kickapoo Joy Water. 

Image via Wikipedia

I have been told by other, normally-sensible residents, that my anxiety is perfectly normal. Ah, fate! I am in your hands.  In the meantime, some thing are going right lately with Zombie Ambition and the Condo Board. We are On Top of Things.

Cartoons are from Al Capp's Lil Abner, so is Kickapoo Joy Juice.

UPDATE, 12:45 P.M.: I AM OFFICIALLY BED BUG FREE!!!!!

Related articles by Zemanta--just my previous post--

• The Hotbed of Zombie Professionalism (auntiehathaway.blogspot.com)

The Hotbed of Zombie Professionalism

This message from Tuesday's Meeting of the Board!

--Zombies Continue to make Shambles--

One of the Zombies on Staff happens to do maintenance:

He went up to a known trouble-making woman's unit,
who was not getting air conditioning. But she's leaving her blinds up, and her windows face south.
Temps are three-digit and the humidity, high.
(You're Daddy's rich, and your Ma is good-looking)

And he told her:
That the reason her a/c convector didn't work is because the convector capacity is too small for the unit.

Our board hired engineering consultants to make recommendations before requiring everyone in the building to buy updated convectors. They chose exactly that capacity for fifteen hundred bucks about five years ago.

So, there is nothing wrong with her convector capacity. It worked just great last year. But now she is convinced that the Board has screwed her over to the tune of fifteen hundred, when the right answers to her problem are
a. Close your blinds and
b. Buy a fan and
c. Stop drinking so much whiskey in the afternoon.

(So hush, little baby, don't you cry)

Coincidentally, at this same meeting, another owner is angry about convector units.  A year ago, Zombie Maintenance Guy tore their convector apart to clean it. He did this without obtaining authorization for major work, and charged one hundred fifty bucks. Also coincidentally, I am the board member that this same Zombie once told  "It is impossible to clean a convector unit." Therefore,  I "should not have either cats or potted plants."

Someday, all lies catch up to you. Before that, they catch everybody else.

And I have not even told you about the bedbugs. We will spend thousands to make sure we are not completely infested. From six units to two-hundred and fifty, unless we hire the exterminators with the trained beagle dogs that sniff them out. No! I do not have bed bugs! I don't want them either!

Zombies are more than enough for me.


photo from dot common sense blog

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• Zombie-survival advice from an expert (time.com)
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Just This Last Two Weeks, I Learned

For months, no bills were paid,
And cash from payments was mislaid.
I fixed or followed up these flaws
That threaten to undo us all.

The electricity almost went out.
The gas, the water, and what about
The sewage and the garbage? Late,
And the repairmen have had to wait.

Piled paper covers my dining table.

Because each owner is unable

To discover what they owe.

And you stop me when I try to know.

Tomorrow, I see you at two.
To show you what you need to do.
You get paid, and we do precision
Because you cannot make decisions.

I'm tired of coaxing, training, reminding

And fixing the mistakes I'm finding.

It overflows my coffee cup

And I'm not yelling. I wrote you up.
--

Okay, I vented. And, Dear Readers, how are you?

Zombie Recon

Not here. Safe to go to Basement. And Basement is where I'll be. Tuesday is the Board Meeting and they've Muffed it all Again.
Everyone Have a Great Weekend. I shall sail Joyfully into the Fray. I mean this.